I realize, that when a person or a group goes out to eat, they expected to be given good service, be treated as a guest should be treated, and feel happy and welcomed wherever they are. Yes. I couldn't agree more with this.
Something that people sometimes don't seem to get, is that there are unspoken rules when it comes to how you act in a restaurant, how you treat your server, etc. I would like to go over a few of these rules.
1. Basic dining out etiquette: If you had good service, tip your server well. If you are one of those people who tips five dollars no matter what, even if the bill is $70, please stay home and cook yourself a nice meal. It kills our night, and wastes our time when a table for four is taken up for two hours, just for us to make five bucks. I totally get that maybe you just like the food at a particular establishment, but it's rude to sit in a server's section forever and not tip them their deserved 15-20%. "Verbal tips" don't count (ie "That was the best service I've ever had here!" or "They should make you a manager in this place."). If you say something nice to me but leave me a dollar after you've finished your steak, you won't have made up for anything. Please don't kid yourself. We're here to please, but this is also how we make our living. Basically, if you plan to go out, plan to tip. Don't only budget for the cost of the food.
2. A fine dining establishment is not a Circus Circus. Don't bring your four children here to run around the restaurant while you sit and drink a beer. I won't be sorry when they blindly run around a corner and make me accidentally drop a tray of booze on their head. Not my fault there, sorry.
3. If I card you, take it as a damn compliment. Don't get pissed at me if you are thirty-five, forgot your ID, and now you're on a really hot date and don't want to look stupid because you have to go back to your house to get it. It's my job, not my problem. I can get fired for crap like that. It doesn't matter if you aren't there to sting me, my boss is probably still going to care.
4. Server: "Here is your food, enjoy! Can I get you anything else as long as I'm here?"
Guy at table: "Oh, can I please get another beer?"
Server: "Absolutely, I'll be right back."
(returns with beer, more than happily)
Other guy at table: "Oh, can I get some mayo?"
Server: "Sure, no problem."
(returns with mayo)
Other guy's wife: "Can I get a water?"
If this isn't self-explanatory enough, just show it to your friend who works at that one restaurant. They'll explain exactly why, by the time the server comes back with the beverage the fourth person at the table asks for, the drink is mostly made up of ice.
5. It's about nine o'clock, our dinner rush just ended. We're cleaning off all the tables. A new table talks in. We have one dirty table but there are plenty of places to sit. I don't know why exactly this is, but it always seems to be the case: The people who just walked in always seem to be drawn to the one table we haven't cleaned off yet. Even when there is a perfectly good table right next to it that has been completely cleaned off and wiped down. Please don't sit at the dirty one, it makes me feel like I'm not working fast enough, even after I just got my ass kicked by the dinner rush.
One other note about this: even if it is the only open table, please wait to sit at it until we've cleaned it off. If you tell me you want that table, I PROMISE I won't let anyone else sit at it. It's just the nice thing to do.
6. Servers should always tell you their name when greeting you, so you know how to get our attention when we walk by. If we for whatever reason don't do that, you can always say "Excuse me." Whistling, clearing your throat loudly, or shaking your empty glass will only make us think you are an asshole.
7. You didn't like the food. I am terribly sorry. No really, I am being honest; we want you to enjoy your experience here. You should not have to pay for a meal that you didn't enjoy. We will be happy to take it off the bill for you if it is apparent that you didn't like it (I will presume if you still ate the whole thing that it probably wasn't so bad). Just keep in mind: Your server did not cook your food, nor did they pick it out for you. Please don't take this out on them. If I am sweet as pie to you during your dining experience, and you are damn near ready to make me your new best friend before the food gets to you, don't stiff me on the tip because you didn't like what you ate. That part truly isn't my fault. I'm still just as good a server as anyone else here. I will relay complaints about the food to the manager and/or the kitchen.
8. I will leave my stress at the door if you do. Let make each other's day pleasant please. Honestly I don't even mind if you want to whine to me about your day, as I will probably sympathize with you, but, please don't take your stress out on me. I just came to work, not to absorb your negative energy for you.
I am not saying that everyone who goes out to eat is like this. I wait on tons of people every day that I get along with swimmingly. I like my job, otherwise I wouldn't keep doing it. Sometimes, though, people don't really understand the difference between server and servant. Just be nice to the people who bring you your food. They work hard too.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Mmbop.
Back at my bar. It's nice to have a "safe zone." No matter what I'm going through, be it happiness, sadness, anger, bitterness, I can always come here and be around family.
Change can be a major motherfucker, even if it is for the better. I'm starting to do more for myself since my breakup, and that's great I guess, even if the overall adjustment leaves me feeling lonely or sad or whatever it is I'm feeling right now.
Seriously though, what the fuck. Ugh.
Alright, that's as much as I'm going to whine about that here. I'm emerging from this a stronger person, and I will be better for it. (self high-five) I'll drink to that.
Change can be a major motherfucker, even if it is for the better. I'm starting to do more for myself since my breakup, and that's great I guess, even if the overall adjustment leaves me feeling lonely or sad or whatever it is I'm feeling right now.
Seriously though, what the fuck. Ugh.
Alright, that's as much as I'm going to whine about that here. I'm emerging from this a stronger person, and I will be better for it. (self high-five) I'll drink to that.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
You grab the broom, I'll grab the Pledge.
I've realized lately that one can easily compare just about any of life's problem's to dust. It's detrimental to a person's health, you try to clean it up so that guests don't see it in your home, and much of the time, it is created by one's self and the things they surround their self with.
There is no escaping dust. It's everywhere (it's dust, dude). Even when you find a way to get rid of it, say, by vacuuming or spraying and wiping, more of it is constantly being created.
HOWEVER...
if you don't clean it up every once in a while, it will only accumulate, and will only affect you more. Your health will continue to deteriorate, and eventually, if someone steps into your world, it becomes obvious that you aren't doing anything to help yourself. One swipe of a finger on that bookshelf will show that guest just how little you care to fix the issue. Once in a while you will find that kind soul who wants to help, and will clean everything up for you.
Now here is where it gets tricky. Dust can hide in all sorts of places, say, under that great big entertainment center in your house. It's a fabulous entertainment center, and it really impresses your friends, including your new housekeeper and good friend Pepita (before anyone starts getting worked up about stereotypes, please know that Pepita in this case is from Denver. She just moved here and cleans a few houses for a reasonable rate when she's not studying nursing at Concordia University). You can't ignore the mess under the TV forever, and poor Pepita has been cleaning your house all day and she needs some help lifting that big fucker so that the floor underneath can be swept and you don't have to worry about that nasty stuff affecting your sinuses anymore. You can either lend a hand and help her help you, or you can tell her to do her job and finish cleaning YOUR house on her own, since that's what you're paying her seven fifty an hour to do anyway.
Or, I suppose, the last option, which is the metaphor I usually wind up applying in my own life, is to tell her "Oh, I don't really care if that gets cleaned under. Eventually I'll move and that won't be my problem anymore." Apparently I want allergies for the rest of my life. Sweet.
I guess what I'm getting at is another thing I'm learning from life: You will always have friends who want to help you, and that is wonderful, but you can't expect them to do everything for you. I have a tendency to be a whiny brat about my personal life and expect a solution to fall into my lap whenever someone shows in interest in what is going on with me. It's a nasty trait, and I'm working on it. I actually had a friend actively sit down with me and try to help me figure out, on paper even, what my goals and wants are in life. What a good friend, right? And I've really not done all that much about it. Until I do, the dust pile continues to grow, and I will be a sneezy little V.
There be my two cents on people such as myself who have trouble working their own shit out. Some friends are really great and will keep doing these things for you over and over, but sooner or later Pepita's going to throw her back out, and you're either going to have to lift that entertainment center on your own, or find a new housekeeper who doesn't have important shit to do, like studying for their nursing exams on Monday, and how the fuck are they supposed to sit through five hours with a back like that and expect to do well?
If this became a little nonsensical, it's the sleep deprivation, and the lack of a desire to go back and make changes to anything. But hopefully someone gets what I'm saying.
There is no escaping dust. It's everywhere (it's dust, dude). Even when you find a way to get rid of it, say, by vacuuming or spraying and wiping, more of it is constantly being created.
HOWEVER...
if you don't clean it up every once in a while, it will only accumulate, and will only affect you more. Your health will continue to deteriorate, and eventually, if someone steps into your world, it becomes obvious that you aren't doing anything to help yourself. One swipe of a finger on that bookshelf will show that guest just how little you care to fix the issue. Once in a while you will find that kind soul who wants to help, and will clean everything up for you.
Now here is where it gets tricky. Dust can hide in all sorts of places, say, under that great big entertainment center in your house. It's a fabulous entertainment center, and it really impresses your friends, including your new housekeeper and good friend Pepita (before anyone starts getting worked up about stereotypes, please know that Pepita in this case is from Denver. She just moved here and cleans a few houses for a reasonable rate when she's not studying nursing at Concordia University). You can't ignore the mess under the TV forever, and poor Pepita has been cleaning your house all day and she needs some help lifting that big fucker so that the floor underneath can be swept and you don't have to worry about that nasty stuff affecting your sinuses anymore. You can either lend a hand and help her help you, or you can tell her to do her job and finish cleaning YOUR house on her own, since that's what you're paying her seven fifty an hour to do anyway.
Or, I suppose, the last option, which is the metaphor I usually wind up applying in my own life, is to tell her "Oh, I don't really care if that gets cleaned under. Eventually I'll move and that won't be my problem anymore." Apparently I want allergies for the rest of my life. Sweet.
I guess what I'm getting at is another thing I'm learning from life: You will always have friends who want to help you, and that is wonderful, but you can't expect them to do everything for you. I have a tendency to be a whiny brat about my personal life and expect a solution to fall into my lap whenever someone shows in interest in what is going on with me. It's a nasty trait, and I'm working on it. I actually had a friend actively sit down with me and try to help me figure out, on paper even, what my goals and wants are in life. What a good friend, right? And I've really not done all that much about it. Until I do, the dust pile continues to grow, and I will be a sneezy little V.
There be my two cents on people such as myself who have trouble working their own shit out. Some friends are really great and will keep doing these things for you over and over, but sooner or later Pepita's going to throw her back out, and you're either going to have to lift that entertainment center on your own, or find a new housekeeper who doesn't have important shit to do, like studying for their nursing exams on Monday, and how the fuck are they supposed to sit through five hours with a back like that and expect to do well?
If this became a little nonsensical, it's the sleep deprivation, and the lack of a desire to go back and make changes to anything. But hopefully someone gets what I'm saying.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
life's a real pain in the ass but at least I'm learning some shit.
Okay, this year is already definitely looking up. Despite all the drama I always bring upon myself, my survival instincts are kicking in. I spent a chunk of later last year feeling like my world was crumbling around me, like I had no control over anything that was happening to me. I am finally starting to learn a few lessons that 2010 was trying to teach me.
1. EVERYONE has control. No one is holding a gun to my head, telling me to live my life a certain way. I can do what I want, when I want. Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish (and when I say sometimes, I really mean SOMETIMES. See my New Year's resolutions in the last blog). I am still trying to get better at handling the responsibility of this control, but I am definitely getting there. It really comes down to not being lazy, and not being afraid.
2. Sometimes people disappear from your life. It doesn't mean they're a bad person, or that you are, it just means shit changes. Life happens. Friends will come and go. I thought I had learned this earlier on, but I only used that knowledge towards people who were "just friends." People you've loved are different, and it's much, much harder. Definitely the hardest of things I've learned.
....which brings me to:
3. If you chose to leave something behind at one point in time, it was probably for good reason. Just because you miss it, or start feeling like maybe whatever it was was a good idea after all, does not mean it's a good idea to go back to it (unless you left it behind with the complete intention of going back later on, ie, school or something). This goes for jobs, relationships, friendships, living situations.... pretty much everything in life. Just think really hard before giving something a second chance. There was probably a reason you walked away the first time around.
There are a number of things I would like to see happen in 2011. Some are feasible, some aren't.
1. I would love to move to Austin this year. This is going to depend on what happens with my band, and where I am in my relationship, but it is still my dream city. I'll be visiting Austin in March when my band plays at SXSW, and I'm sure that when I get back I'll have the usual "rarin' to go" feeling that I always get when I return to this snowy hellhole.
2. About nine or ten months ago I cut off ties with a guy whom I dated on and off for about two years. He put up with a lot of bullshit from me, and really deserved more of an explanation for why I suddenly stopped speaking to him. The truth was, I couldn't handle communicating with him anymore. He was a good person, but the relationship was not right, and every time I saw him, something would click inside my brain that made me always think, "Maybe if we hook up again it will go differently." He fought hard for me, even when I tried to pull away, and I usually would come back. Eventually I stopped responding to his texts and emails because I needed to close the door on that chapter in my life. I have long since gotten over it, but I still feel guilty for all the crap I put him through. I don't know if it would be a good idea or not, but I would like to apologize to him someday, and hopefully see that he is doing well now. I wouldn't be out to open a new can of worms; I am stronger now than I was at that point and know better. I just want to apologize is all.
3. While I am happy with the process my band has made in the last several months, there are some pretty difficult issues between me and one other member. I want that to go away, one way or another. Not the other person, just the issues at hand. Being the drama generator that I am, I've made a lovely little mess for myself. It's extra unfortunate because this person also happens to have been my best friend for years. The bitterness that has grown between us sucks pretty hard, and I miss that friendship pretty badly. Normally I'd say this would be just a good time to walk away from the situation, but seeing as our careers are both involved, it's a little tricky.
4. I WILL quit smoking. This month. Seriously this time.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on 2010/2011.
I'm moving. I'm pretty psyched about it too. I'll be living with the awesome chick who does my tattoos, in a giant apartment with my own bathroom. I look forward to having a ton of personal space while still having the company of a roommate. I'm also thinking about getting a puppy in the spring. I think that'd be pretty great. I feel like having a companion-like pet would be very therapeutic for me.
Had a stay-in six-month anniversary celebration with the boy yesterday. Wine, football, talk, and SNL. Oh yes, that's another hope for this year: appreciate sports more, and video games. If I can get those two things down I'm pretty sure he and I will be solid. I'm making process. So far I'm able to nod and agree that "Yes, that was an excellent pass." See, I'm on a roll.
1. EVERYONE has control. No one is holding a gun to my head, telling me to live my life a certain way. I can do what I want, when I want. Sometimes it's okay to be a little selfish (and when I say sometimes, I really mean SOMETIMES. See my New Year's resolutions in the last blog). I am still trying to get better at handling the responsibility of this control, but I am definitely getting there. It really comes down to not being lazy, and not being afraid.
2. Sometimes people disappear from your life. It doesn't mean they're a bad person, or that you are, it just means shit changes. Life happens. Friends will come and go. I thought I had learned this earlier on, but I only used that knowledge towards people who were "just friends." People you've loved are different, and it's much, much harder. Definitely the hardest of things I've learned.
....which brings me to:
3. If you chose to leave something behind at one point in time, it was probably for good reason. Just because you miss it, or start feeling like maybe whatever it was was a good idea after all, does not mean it's a good idea to go back to it (unless you left it behind with the complete intention of going back later on, ie, school or something). This goes for jobs, relationships, friendships, living situations.... pretty much everything in life. Just think really hard before giving something a second chance. There was probably a reason you walked away the first time around.
There are a number of things I would like to see happen in 2011. Some are feasible, some aren't.
1. I would love to move to Austin this year. This is going to depend on what happens with my band, and where I am in my relationship, but it is still my dream city. I'll be visiting Austin in March when my band plays at SXSW, and I'm sure that when I get back I'll have the usual "rarin' to go" feeling that I always get when I return to this snowy hellhole.
2. About nine or ten months ago I cut off ties with a guy whom I dated on and off for about two years. He put up with a lot of bullshit from me, and really deserved more of an explanation for why I suddenly stopped speaking to him. The truth was, I couldn't handle communicating with him anymore. He was a good person, but the relationship was not right, and every time I saw him, something would click inside my brain that made me always think, "Maybe if we hook up again it will go differently." He fought hard for me, even when I tried to pull away, and I usually would come back. Eventually I stopped responding to his texts and emails because I needed to close the door on that chapter in my life. I have long since gotten over it, but I still feel guilty for all the crap I put him through. I don't know if it would be a good idea or not, but I would like to apologize to him someday, and hopefully see that he is doing well now. I wouldn't be out to open a new can of worms; I am stronger now than I was at that point and know better. I just want to apologize is all.
3. While I am happy with the process my band has made in the last several months, there are some pretty difficult issues between me and one other member. I want that to go away, one way or another. Not the other person, just the issues at hand. Being the drama generator that I am, I've made a lovely little mess for myself. It's extra unfortunate because this person also happens to have been my best friend for years. The bitterness that has grown between us sucks pretty hard, and I miss that friendship pretty badly. Normally I'd say this would be just a good time to walk away from the situation, but seeing as our careers are both involved, it's a little tricky.
4. I WILL quit smoking. This month. Seriously this time.
Anyway, those are my thoughts on 2010/2011.
I'm moving. I'm pretty psyched about it too. I'll be living with the awesome chick who does my tattoos, in a giant apartment with my own bathroom. I look forward to having a ton of personal space while still having the company of a roommate. I'm also thinking about getting a puppy in the spring. I think that'd be pretty great. I feel like having a companion-like pet would be very therapeutic for me.
Had a stay-in six-month anniversary celebration with the boy yesterday. Wine, football, talk, and SNL. Oh yes, that's another hope for this year: appreciate sports more, and video games. If I can get those two things down I'm pretty sure he and I will be solid. I'm making process. So far I'm able to nod and agree that "Yes, that was an excellent pass." See, I'm on a roll.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
should auld acquaintance be forgot?
So I'm drinking beer at 2:15, at my place of work. My friend/boss just now delivered two cookies on a little plate for me because he thought I seemed down. I have good friends.
I won't lie, I am fucking confused as shit, and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. My close friends will all tell me "Your problem is that you don't know how to make a decision and stick with it." Okay, the problem has been identified, so now what? Do I now just stick with decisions even after I start feeling like I made the wrong one? Here's my usual progression:
Dilemma is presented.
I make choice.
I am happy, or at the very least content, for a day, maybe a couple of days.
Feelings of doubt, discomfort, "what ifs" begin to resonate all the way through me.
I struggle internally for about a week, maybe more.
Progression repeats itself.
This wouldn't be such a big deal if I were the only one being affected by this crap, in fact, were that the case I probably wouldn't have such a shitty time with this. I was recently essentially told what an awful person I am. That I can get away with all I get away with because I'm an attractive person. While part of me wants to be snarky and say "Thank you, that is nice that you think I am attractive," I know that it's totally valid, even if they were only saying it because they were upset.
These are my 2011 resolutions:
Quit smoking
Be less selfish
Stop bullshitting people including myself
I think if I can do all of these things, then not only will the people around me be happier, but I'll be more satisfied with myself. (Well, yeah, duh, I guess I'm just saying that). I think I also need to learned to be less afraid of people other than myself getting hurt by my actions. Even though that sounds incredibly selfish, sometimes there is no way around that when one has shit to get done.
Wouldn't it be so great if we were all just run by computers, and were programmed to get through life exactly as we should starting at birth? Age 2, initiate walking. Age 18, decide against buying pack of Lucky Strikes. Age 24, emotions shutting down, activate logic.
Ugh. This is depressing. I'm gonna go smoke. I hope I actually follow through with this year's resolutions. Last year I think it was to kill myself if I still lived here by the winter of 2010.
I won't lie, I am fucking confused as shit, and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. My close friends will all tell me "Your problem is that you don't know how to make a decision and stick with it." Okay, the problem has been identified, so now what? Do I now just stick with decisions even after I start feeling like I made the wrong one? Here's my usual progression:
Dilemma is presented.
I make choice.
I am happy, or at the very least content, for a day, maybe a couple of days.
Feelings of doubt, discomfort, "what ifs" begin to resonate all the way through me.
I struggle internally for about a week, maybe more.
Progression repeats itself.
This wouldn't be such a big deal if I were the only one being affected by this crap, in fact, were that the case I probably wouldn't have such a shitty time with this. I was recently essentially told what an awful person I am. That I can get away with all I get away with because I'm an attractive person. While part of me wants to be snarky and say "Thank you, that is nice that you think I am attractive," I know that it's totally valid, even if they were only saying it because they were upset.
These are my 2011 resolutions:
Quit smoking
Be less selfish
Stop bullshitting people including myself
I think if I can do all of these things, then not only will the people around me be happier, but I'll be more satisfied with myself. (Well, yeah, duh, I guess I'm just saying that). I think I also need to learned to be less afraid of people other than myself getting hurt by my actions. Even though that sounds incredibly selfish, sometimes there is no way around that when one has shit to get done.
Wouldn't it be so great if we were all just run by computers, and were programmed to get through life exactly as we should starting at birth? Age 2, initiate walking. Age 18, decide against buying pack of Lucky Strikes. Age 24, emotions shutting down, activate logic.
Ugh. This is depressing. I'm gonna go smoke. I hope I actually follow through with this year's resolutions. Last year I think it was to kill myself if I still lived here by the winter of 2010.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Austin
Four years, eight months and ten days. Fuck, man. That is a long fucking time.
I really wanted to move to Austin. I still kind of do. Part of me says "You fucking idiot, why the bloody fuck are you still here?"
The other part of me that has been pushing against that first part this entire time says, "Fuck off, I'll do what I want."
Really, when it comes down to it I am still here because I choose to be. I choose to be because I want to be, not because someone else tells me to be. I can whine about the weather and blame my misery over the fact that I am still living with it on other people, but really I am pissed because I never learned to enjoy or appreciate winter. I don't really see that happening either. No seriously. Fuck you winter, I will never make room in my heart for you.
I want to be here because if I leave, I am only running away. I have no reason to do this. I did not build something to run away from it.
The "it" in this scenario is a band. A great band. Probably the greatest thing I have done with my life. No, it just straight up is the best fucking thing I have done with myself. Guess how long I've been in it? You're a smart kid, I'm sure if you look back you can figure that one out.... done? Okay now, guess how many instances of smashing success I have seen in that time? Did you guess none? Fuck you, you're right.
I have had it pointed out to me that many bridges I have burned with people I had previously held close relationships with were directly related to this band. This may be true. I have made a lot of sacrifices to be where I am now. By that I don't mean "I'm the shit, I am at an amazing point in my life because I worked hard, and you can be TOO!" I really don't, because I still wait tables and make very little money, none of which is currently pulled from my music career. In fact, those whom I have disconnected myself from, from what I understand, are all doing very well for themselves. My ex-boyfriend whom I worked with at TGI Friday's is about to get his degree in mechanical engineering, and my ex-best friend of 13 years just bought her first home with her boyfriend and is studying criminal law(or something cool and ballsy like that) at Metro State. Good for them. I made a brief attempt to go back to school and dropped out after a semester. I'm okay with that. The band took priority. No regrets. At least not there. I digress, apologies.
When I joined my band, I joined as a keyboardist and backup singer. In fact, I didn't even want to join at first. Really it was because I seriously had nothing better to do. I had just broken up with my boyfriend in the airforce and I was sick of school. Also I thought the lead singer in the band was really fucking hot, which was probably the main motivator for me at the time (but that's another story which I may or may not share at a later time). I did think the music was pretty awesome, but it took a lot for me to get amped about singing backup, because I was a snotty little nineteen-year-old vocal performance major (well, almost) who wanted the spotlight. Plus I never thought I was very good at the piano. I took nine years of lessons but never practiced. Thanks though Mom, you're still the best.
Well, as it turns out, when you do something a lot, you get better at it. The more I played my band's songs, the more I loved them, and the better I got at coming up with cool harmonies as a backup vocalist. People told me on a regular basis that I should be singing lead, but I knew I had to wait my turn. I eventually threw myself into this project, so much that I completely built my life up around it for the next few years. Some will argue that doing so has absolutely fucked me over, while others secretly believe that it has fucked me over but still do me the courtesy of telling me that I should continue to shoot for the moon. Okay, in fairness I do have a few awesome friends who truly do believe in me and the guys I play music with. Even my boyfriend started coming around on that one once I finally brought my 42" Sony Bravia over to his place. Sidenote: my boyfriend is not an asshole, he's a wonderful human being, really. Unfortunately some aspects of my being a part of my band, in addition to the fact that sometimes I'm a shithead, have fucked him over in many ways as well, so I do have to sympathize with him (I won't get into this now, but trust me when I say that man is a fucking trooper).
Okay, so I didn't realize that "waiting my turn" meant four and a half years. That's a little shitty. But fuck it, I'm here now. We recorded a double album, about of third of which I sing lead vocals on. I'm earning my place as a songwriter. We're working with new people, and we're playing at SXSW in March. So I will see at least a little bit of Austin, and maybe more later. It all feels good. Good enough that sometimes I even forget that the next time I go somewhere, I'm going to be wiping snow off of my boots when I get to my destination. And I fucking hate snow.
This entry may have been a little anticlimactic. But I'll tell you what, it's 2:30 in the morning, and at this point I don't really give two shits. But thank you for reading. You're a love, whoever you are.
I really wanted to move to Austin. I still kind of do. Part of me says "You fucking idiot, why the bloody fuck are you still here?"
The other part of me that has been pushing against that first part this entire time says, "Fuck off, I'll do what I want."
Really, when it comes down to it I am still here because I choose to be. I choose to be because I want to be, not because someone else tells me to be. I can whine about the weather and blame my misery over the fact that I am still living with it on other people, but really I am pissed because I never learned to enjoy or appreciate winter. I don't really see that happening either. No seriously. Fuck you winter, I will never make room in my heart for you.
I want to be here because if I leave, I am only running away. I have no reason to do this. I did not build something to run away from it.
The "it" in this scenario is a band. A great band. Probably the greatest thing I have done with my life. No, it just straight up is the best fucking thing I have done with myself. Guess how long I've been in it? You're a smart kid, I'm sure if you look back you can figure that one out.... done? Okay now, guess how many instances of smashing success I have seen in that time? Did you guess none? Fuck you, you're right.
I have had it pointed out to me that many bridges I have burned with people I had previously held close relationships with were directly related to this band. This may be true. I have made a lot of sacrifices to be where I am now. By that I don't mean "I'm the shit, I am at an amazing point in my life because I worked hard, and you can be TOO!" I really don't, because I still wait tables and make very little money, none of which is currently pulled from my music career. In fact, those whom I have disconnected myself from, from what I understand, are all doing very well for themselves. My ex-boyfriend whom I worked with at TGI Friday's is about to get his degree in mechanical engineering, and my ex-best friend of 13 years just bought her first home with her boyfriend and is studying criminal law(or something cool and ballsy like that) at Metro State. Good for them. I made a brief attempt to go back to school and dropped out after a semester. I'm okay with that. The band took priority. No regrets. At least not there. I digress, apologies.
When I joined my band, I joined as a keyboardist and backup singer. In fact, I didn't even want to join at first. Really it was because I seriously had nothing better to do. I had just broken up with my boyfriend in the airforce and I was sick of school. Also I thought the lead singer in the band was really fucking hot, which was probably the main motivator for me at the time (but that's another story which I may or may not share at a later time). I did think the music was pretty awesome, but it took a lot for me to get amped about singing backup, because I was a snotty little nineteen-year-old vocal performance major (well, almost) who wanted the spotlight. Plus I never thought I was very good at the piano. I took nine years of lessons but never practiced. Thanks though Mom, you're still the best.
Well, as it turns out, when you do something a lot, you get better at it. The more I played my band's songs, the more I loved them, and the better I got at coming up with cool harmonies as a backup vocalist. People told me on a regular basis that I should be singing lead, but I knew I had to wait my turn. I eventually threw myself into this project, so much that I completely built my life up around it for the next few years. Some will argue that doing so has absolutely fucked me over, while others secretly believe that it has fucked me over but still do me the courtesy of telling me that I should continue to shoot for the moon. Okay, in fairness I do have a few awesome friends who truly do believe in me and the guys I play music with. Even my boyfriend started coming around on that one once I finally brought my 42" Sony Bravia over to his place. Sidenote: my boyfriend is not an asshole, he's a wonderful human being, really. Unfortunately some aspects of my being a part of my band, in addition to the fact that sometimes I'm a shithead, have fucked him over in many ways as well, so I do have to sympathize with him (I won't get into this now, but trust me when I say that man is a fucking trooper).
Okay, so I didn't realize that "waiting my turn" meant four and a half years. That's a little shitty. But fuck it, I'm here now. We recorded a double album, about of third of which I sing lead vocals on. I'm earning my place as a songwriter. We're working with new people, and we're playing at SXSW in March. So I will see at least a little bit of Austin, and maybe more later. It all feels good. Good enough that sometimes I even forget that the next time I go somewhere, I'm going to be wiping snow off of my boots when I get to my destination. And I fucking hate snow.
This entry may have been a little anticlimactic. But I'll tell you what, it's 2:30 in the morning, and at this point I don't really give two shits. But thank you for reading. You're a love, whoever you are.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
